Cozy in a Corner with Coffee

I love Monday!

2011-10-10T20:13:00.005-05:00

No I really don't. It was a typical busy Monday. First day of the new quarter at work so I didn't know whether I was coming or going. Managed to get my billing in for today but it's only one day. I am still stressed to the max about maybe losing my job. But I am updating my resume and looking at Monster just to be prepared. Best part of the day today was my venti Pumpkin Spice latte from Starbucks. Worst part? An hour later when that latte hit my lactose intolerant system. Oh I am an idiot. I never used to be lactose intolerant. I never used to have allergies. I just need to remember to get it with soy milk that's all!

So some pictures from the last couple of weeks...things that made me smile...a creepy hand,

my yard,

me and my girlies at Brookfield Zoo,

Jayne and Chris looking HOTTER than I have EVER seen them,

my angry chihuahuas after a bath...Chiclet

....and Daisy

That's what I will leave you with!!

2011-10-08T22:33:00.000-05:00

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STRESS

2011-10-08T21:57:00.005-05:00

Yep, I've got it. I'm terrified of losing my job which could happen in a month. I'm overwhelmed trying to keep this house up and all the bills. I'm trying to find a part time job at night. EEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!

But anyway, I guess things will work out.

So I finally got my hair cut. 6 inches of it was cut off. It looks pretty good I think! I apologize for the terrible pictures...One with no make up, one with unblended make up!

I have gained weight since Mom died. My thyroid is dying. 3 months ago it was barely working so I'm guessing by now it's officially kicked the bucket. I know that I'm grieving and depressed but this lack of energy and constant tiredness is just not like me at all. But as it happened so close to my mom's death, it's hard to tell if it's just depression or thyroid so I have to have another test done to check it's function.

I just can't get out of this funk I'm in. I suppose it's to be expected but I hate it. I know Mom wouldn't want me mired down in depression and sadness and I'm not all the time, but I just have this underlying sadness. It's only been 6 months so maybe as time goes on things will get better.

The kids are doing pretty good. Mac says she's never been happier since they moved though she's having a hard time dealing with the loss of Grandma. She went through some grief counseling which seemed to help. Michael is doing well too, going to a regular high school which we never thought would be possible. So all in all, life is pretty good.

Three Months

2011-07-05T20:06:00.003-05:00

It has now been over three months since my mom died. Three months of firsts. My first birthday without my mom. First Mother's Day without my mom. First trip to another country without my mom to see me off or welcome me back. No Mom here to tell her all about everything on my trip.

It's been hard to get used to. In a way it's harder now than it was when she first died. Now that the shock has worn off, it just feels like okay, enough is enough. I want her back here and I miss her more and more all the time. I have a necklace to put her ashes in but I can't bear to open the box and see them in there yet. So I guess that's just grieving. I suppose it will get better over time. But it is lots of stress and lots of worry and lots of sadness.

So I turned 42 two weeks after my mom died and two weeks after that I flew to London to meet my good friend Dannie that I met online. We went to see Dancing on Ice, the live tour Saturday night, Sunday night, Monday night, and Wednesday night! On Tuesday we took a coach to Notthingham and spent a couple of days there. On Saturday when I left, she wanted to crawl in my suitcase and come with me. Oh and I was in London for Will and Kate's wedding. What a madhouse!

I had a great time in London. It was so wonderful to meet so many people I've only talked to on Twitter! And meeting the people I've loved since I was 15...well that was just surreal. So I wish Mom was here so I could tell her all about it. But I guess she knows.

Here's some pics from my trip. Me and Lou (she's from Ireland and she has a great accent but she liked mine!) doing the Bolero in Bolero Square in Nottingham. Then there's a group photo of all of us, me, Dannie, Steph, Natalie, and Lou on the steps of the building where Torvill and Dean greeted their supporters when they won Olympic gold, then is Westminster Abbey the day before the wedding, the Tower Bridge, and finally, me and Chris.

How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye

2011-04-06T23:06:00.002-05:00

Patty Loveless sings a song that makes me cry. Here's the last verse.

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?

Mom died 3 days after my last post. She kept asking for my friend and when she was going to visit. So my friend, Dale, came to visit on Sunday. My mom told her she was a failure because she was leaving us then asked my friend to take care of us. By Sunday night it was clear that she didn't have much time left.

I raced home from work on Monday afternoon and Mom said her last words to me which were "I love you." She died Tuesday afternoon at 3:55 pm. I was baking a pie. Like I do. My sister said "Come check her" so I went in and laid my head against hers and checked her pulse. Her heart beat one more time and she opened her mouth and closed it again. Then she was gone. Knowing it's coming didn't make it any easier. I cried so hard that my tears filled up her ear and spilled out and ran down her neck.

My aunt Gloria arrived a couple minutes after Mom died and she was stroking my hair like Mom would have done. She was very upset and she's a baker too so she went to the kitchen and finished my pie. I think it gave her something to do.

The rest of the week was epically bad, surreal almost. We planned her funeral, put the living room back together, did normal things except they don't feel normal anymore.

I pick up the phone to call her. There's so many things I see that I want to tell her. I miss her more than I can express. And I feel so alone. I have my sister and the kids and the rest of my family. I have friends. But their lives return to normal. Mine is a mess. I want to ask her "Mom, how do I do this?" I have asked her that. So far she hasn't answered. That I can hear anyway. I'm trying to listen with my heart. I know I'll hear the answer.

She was strong. She raised 2 daughters all by herself. I can be strong too. I had a great example in my beautiful mother.

Losing my mother

2011-03-19T11:35:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted in a long time. I know this.

It's been rough at my house. Mom had difficulty with the chemo and it just seemed she was in the hospital and we were running all over.

But now that the chemo didn't work and it completely screwed her heart up, we are at the end of this cancer journey.

I was hoping the end of the cancer journey would mean life would go back to normal and Mom would go back to normal but it didn't work out that way. Instead my mother is dying. And I hate this with every fiber of my being.

The cancer isn't killing her. Yes it's growing but she has no tumors at this time. The chemo is killing her. It's gone from her body now. Her hair is growing back. But the damage is done. Her heart is so damaged by the chemo that it can't pump the blood around her body that well. Her oxygen levels are now running in the 70's and 80's. The ONLY good thing about dying from this is she's not in that much pain.

The same can't be said for me. This is by far the MOST painful thing I've ever gone through. I'm terrified and sad and angry all at the same time. And there isn't a thing I can do about it. Nobody knows how much time she has left. A week, 2 weeks, a month, it's unknown.

So for now, I'll just be thankful that she's here next to me...sleeping comfortably. And I'll lose it when she's gone. And then I'll pick up the pieces of myself and move forward. Life moves on. She'll be with me in my heart.

I hate cancer

2010-11-04T18:21:00.002-05:00

This last 2 months with my mom being diagnosed with ovarian cancer has been rough. She went through surgery last week and was supposed to be in the hospital 3 days. It turned into 8 days. Her kidneys failed, and she developed some weird heart problem. Then they pumped too many fluids into her and she weighs 35 pounds more than she did when she went into surgery.

Her incision became infected and she has a huge gaping hole in her stomach that has to be packed twice a day for the next two weeks. I swear I could be a nurse after all this! In 3 weeks, she starts chemo so it's going to get pretty bad I would guess. Hopefully all of this will kill the monster inside her. I don't even want to consider any other outcome.

My friend was diagnosed with breast cancer around the same time and will be starting chemo in a couple of weeks. I feel like it's coming at me from all sides. It's all too much sometimes. Lots of stress at work and at home makes me want to run away! But I guess that's not an option. So I just keep muddling through, going on like everything is fine and feeling like I might crack at any moment.

Stupid YT

2010-09-19T14:19:00.003-05:00

Blocking my epic compilation video. I'll just post it here.

My T & D comps

2010-08-15T12:39:00.003-05:00

I hate when my comps get blocked. But now that I've figured out how to embed them on my blog, I'm putting them here!

Summer

2010-08-14T19:25:00.004-05:00

Summer has been interesting to say the least. All summer long, my sister has been gradually moving over. The final move was today. The house is packed full..there's boxes and bags of clothes everywhere! Hopefully it'll be organized soon.

The garden is growing good. We have had lots of tomatoes, green beans, and cucumbers. The cantaloupe did great and there's a ton of jalapeno peppers though they aren't ready yet. I love jalapenos!

Our tomato!

Mackenzie and I went to Six Flags last Saturday. It was a good day, just the two of us. We spent 12 hours there!! Crazy! It was perfect weather for Six Flags though..not too hot but hot enough that you weren't chilly on the water rides.

With Wonder Woman

On the double decker merry-go-round

Her favorite ride

From the tower ride

The Garden!

2010-07-16T22:53:00.002-05:00

Apparently I can grow something without killing it. My garden is going good. There was a slight issue with an extremely hungry rabbit but I have taken care of that now. He ate the cabbage, the beets, the spinach, and every single green bean plant that sprouted. But somebody told me to sprinkle used cat litter around the edge of the garden and it would keep him away. Well, I have lots of used cat litter...every day. It worked! I replanted the beans and they are growing good now. We got our first tomato already and our first cucumbers and radishes. It's so exciting. I ate one of my watermelon radishes and it was almost as hot as the wasabi on my sushi yesterday. Almost.

Girl and I were out there tonight and it looks a little dry in my pics. It's supposed to rain tomorrow and if it doesn't I'll have to water it. Yay...more mosquito bites. I don't know what's worse the mosquito bites or the OFF residue on my skin.

Girl checking out the jalapeno plants.

A cucumber...aww..so cute

The new green bean plants (I accidentally bought pole beans and then had to buy poles)

Some of the herbs

Watermelon radishes (not for the faint of heart)

Cucumber and zucchini

The red hot peppers and red bell peppers are coming along and the cantaloupe has taken over one entire corner of the garden. Now I might have to learn to can! How hard can it be??

Graduations and Tornadoes

2010-06-14T21:13:00.003-05:00

Well it was a rough two weeks here. My sister, Cheri, graduated from IVCC. It was quite a long ceremony and her soon to be ex-husband even came to the ceremony. We all went out to eat somewhere in Ottawa afterwards. My sister is halfway done with college now. She starts ISU in the fall! Yay for her!!

Blurry photo...Fail!

Mac wearing the graduation cap

Michael, my nephew, graduated from 8th grade. He graduated with his class in but has been going to a different school for the past year. He's made great strides. Now he has hot spots on his thyroid and has to take radioactive iodine to kill it off. He'll be on meds the rest of his life but at least it wasn't any worse than that.

Michael and his grandmother

A tornado hit Dwight, just about 5 miles north of my house. It was pretty scary here as well. We didn't know what direction it was going at first. I feel so bad for all the people who lost their homes in Streator and Dwight.

The high school

It has begun

2010-05-31T15:32:00.002-05:00

The house is filling up. It's almost summer and my house is gaining 1 sister, 1 nephew, 1 niece, 1 dog, and 1 cat. But the transformation is already starting. There are children everywhere. I am doling out snacks and juice boxes like there's no tomorrow. I went through a box of Popsicles in one day! Bikes are in my driveway, on the sidewalks, and usually everywhere that I want to walk. Balls and bubbles whiz through the air.

Inside the house, my television is filled with Spongebob. Toys and socks litter my floor. My towels and washclothes are going fast.

Yesterday after doing yardwork all day, I went to pick up Pizza Hut pizza. Pulling in front of my house, 8 children came running towards the van. One pizza was gone in minutes. This could take some getting used to I think!

My soon to be ex brother-in-law came to till my garden and cut down all the saplings in my yard. I asked him why he came and told him I didn't need him to help me and he said "the thought of you using a chainsaw scared the hell out of me!".

So the garden is planted, the flowers are planted, and I'm just waiting to plant the herbs (since it's raining).

So Happy Memorial Day! Hope you are all having some fun!

Happy Happy

2010-05-16T14:43:00.004-05:00

Well, Mackenzie is now 9. Here's some pictures from her birthday. I tried to get her some outside toys so she'll have something to do over the summer. Soon she, her mother, and her brother are moving in. The more of them I get out of the house, the better it'll be I think!

It was a beautiful day. I grilled out for lunch and supper and Mac played outside with a ball, on the swing, and with Daisy who seemed to not enjoy her trip down the slide. Mac wanted an angel food cake with marshmallow flowers on it. I got off pretty easy!

Other than the birthday and the move which I guess is a pretty big thing, there is also graduations coming up. Mike from 8th grade and Cheri from college. She moves on to ISU in the fall and Mike is up in the air right now. As for me, just working and worrying about my job because the state of Illinois is stupid and doesn't have any money. But, I'm sure it'll all be fine. I'm just going to stay happy happy until there's a reason not to!

Bonus Birthday No. 12

2010-04-04T10:16:00.002-05:00

It's been 12 years. It was in 1998 that I was supposed to die.

I remember very little of that week. I didn't feel good for 3 weeks prior to that. I never had a period because of being on strong doses of hormones to control the endometriosis. But I had started bleeding and bled and bled and bled for weeks.

I went to a conference for work in Peoria and was miserable. Came back home and a few days later went back to Peoria to see 2 of my favorite people in a figure skating show. They were retiring and I wouldn't get to see them ever again. They've unretired again now but I still can't see them since they are in England. They skated to Still Crazy After all these years. I remember hearing a song for the first time during that show (Gorsha and Sur skated to it) and in the days to come, it went through my head repeatedly.

Then it was my 30th birthday. I wasn't feeling well at all and actually ended up passing out at work. Somebody drove me home and I layed down. I passed out again later, and my mom decided to take me to the hospital. They decided I needed a D and C. Yuk but okay. That was supposed to stop the bleeding.

Except it didn't. I was in a little hospital and they had already done surgery on me 2 years prior and didn't want anything to do with my insides! So they shipped me off to Peoria where they decided I needed a hysterectomy. Strangly I wasn't nervous but I didn't know it was because my body was shutting down. I was dying.

I had the hysterectomy on Good Friday. By the time they took my uterus I had lost 3/4 of my total blood volume. My uterus was ripped in half. I'd been bleeding out for almost 4 weeks into my abdomen.

I hadn't eaten for days except for olives and pizza sauce. I don't know why that's all I wanted but it was. Saturday I only remember pain...nothing else.

Easter Sunday I hallucinated that there were spiders all over and one in particular, a white one, was crawling in and out of my straw. I didn't know until Monday that I almost died when the nurse told me she was surprised to still find me there as she thought I wouldn't make it through the night.

They kept checking my blood on Sunday and told my mom if one of the levels went below a certain number it would be the end for me. Nobody lives below that level they told her. Well I hit that number and went below it.

Finally, they brought lots of blood up to my room and started pumping me full of it (thanks donors!). Slowly I started coming back and a few days later I was home, though weak and sick but alive!

So I like to say every birthday after my 30th is a bonus. I am not wasting them either.

Since that time, most of my family has died, my sister and her children are moving back in with me, I've lost a job and found a job, I've gained many friends, lost some friends, lost pets, found pets, gained a niece, found 2 more sisters and a brother, and through it all I am happy.

I am determined to be happy and refuse to live my life not looking at everything with fresh eyes and a smile. I have a second chance and I'm taking it.

I don't know if my near death experience is totally responsible for me being the way I am and I don't recommend it but I hope you can find your own way to happiness!

Healthy eating

2010-02-10T16:19:00.002-06:00

Do you know what I'm making?

Do my Sarah Palin Palm Pilot notes give it away?

Did you see my Lost message?? I miss Charlie.

How about now? Now can you guess?

I'll give you a hint. It didn't come from this cookbook.

Okay okay. It's Nestle Tollhouse cookies. The best ever. And I'm lazy so I'm making them in my stoneware bar pan (which are on sale this month! Go to my niece's website and have a party or order one or something!).

Not the healthiest thing I ever ate but I'm home today and the oven was calling me to make a cookie or something. Don't worry, I'll probably take them to work to give to my co-workers. It's our meeting day tomorrow.

We are making a change and eating healthier here. The cookbook pictured above has some good sounding things but nothing that the kids will eat once they move over here in June. It also has ingredients that I'm just not going to buy. White Truffle oil. Serioiusly??

Mackenzie is pretty good about trying new things and she likes most vegetables. But Michael...terrible. Meat, potatos, root beer. He will eat a few things that surprise me like greens and broccoli but his vegetable intake is a little on the low side.

We've done Weight Watchers before but lost the weight quickly and gained it back. But our hand is kind of being forced now. My sister was recently released from the hospital. She'd been not feeling so great and ended up in the ER. Her blood sugar was over 400! She's now diagnosed with diabetes. It's a good reason for all of us to make a change. So we've been searching diabetic recipes, learning as much as we can, and trying to make better choices.

But today, I'm having a cookie with my coffee!

What's cooking

2010-01-20T14:08:00.003-06:00

Today is a lazy day. I didn't feel good so I stayed home. It's a good thing I did as now it's freezing rain. Yuk. I hate driving on ice.

So I baked a pie. I've been cooking quite a bit lately. Over the weekend I made fried chicken, homemade noodles, scones, and today a lemon meringue pie.

Mac baked her first cake over the weekend while her mother was out to lunch with an old friend. She did the whole thing completely on her own. I only took it out of the oven, and spotted her when she was taking them out of the pan. I also told her what to dump in the bowl to make frosting since we weren't using a recipe. She was so proud of herself. I should have taken a picture of her with it but I forgot. She had to put candles in it and made us sing Happy Holidays to our Family before she blew them out.

I didn't know that homemade noodles are the easiest thing ever to make. Just flour, water, salt, and eggs. How simple is that? I rolled them out flat, cut them into strips and let them sit while I boiled a chicken with carrots, onion, garlic, salt, and pepper. I cut the chicken up while the noodles were cooking, and presto, chicken and noodles for supper.

I've never made a lemon merenge pie before either. It was easy. Just lots of stirring. And I wasn't sure what "stiff peaks" were but I figured it out. Looks dee-lish.

I also never made scones before. These are orange poppy seed raisin scones and they are about 3 different recipes combined. Whatever works. Mac didn't like them but Michael loved them. We had them with tea just because we thought we should.

So what should I cook now? I'm cooking ribs and roasted sweet potato spears for supper with a lovely salad. But I think I'm going to hit the library then stamp a card. Stay tuned!

Now that the holidays are done it's time to prepare for change.

2010-01-10T13:33:00.002-06:00

Ahh..the holidays are over, the new year is over a week old, the kids have gone home so it's time to get back to normal.

Christmas was good. My sister and her children were here from the weekend before Christmas until New Year's Day. They went home Christmas Eve night and came back December 26th. My mom and I got them a Wii so they were quite happy. We also got them those video game rocker chairs. What a pain in the butt those are. They are forever in the way.

My sister and I baked a ton for Christmas and we had some snacky type things for Christmas Eve. Charlie helped dip pretzels and fell asleep guarding the bag.

We had shredded roast beef sandwiches, cheese and sausage, relishes and dip, hot wings, cookies, candies, breads. It was all good.

Girl opens a Barbie...whee!

Daisy opens a bone and promptly fell asleep on it. Christmas is too exhausting for puppies!

Packing paper from boxes is fun!

Yeah for whatever this is!

New Year's Eve was boring. We ate some snacky stuff and I made frozen strawberry margaritas. Girl had a virgin berry margarita but she thought there was alcohol in it and was running around acting goofy. I followed my margarita with a dose of Nyquil as I was sick. And still am thank you for asking.

So it's back to work, back to a normal life. Just what is a normal life? Well, whatever it is will be changing very soon. My sister is almost halfway through college (she's a late bloomer). However, she is getting a divorce from her husband of 12 years. She's moving back here with me and Mom. Life is about to get interesting. We, meaning Mom, me, and assorted pets, must learn to cope with Sis, Boy, Girl, and their assorted pets. I'm confident it will all be fine in the end.

But sending happy thoughts our way couldn't hurt!

Why Does Fruitcake have a bad reputation?

2009-12-16T20:21:00.002-06:00

I love fruitcake. Here's a blurry picture of my fruitcake before baking, and after the first application of rum.

Why don't you like fruitcake? Have you ever really had fruitcake or do you just tell those jokes about it without ever having tried it?

I made fruitcake last night. I'm sure it's delicious but I haven't eaten it yet. I'm brushing it with Captain Morgan Spiced Rum every day and I will eat it next week. People traditionally think of dark fruitcake but I made a light fruitcake. I don't use citron because I think it's disgusting. Maybe that's why my fruitcake is so tasty.

According to Wikipedia, Fruitcake (or fruit cake) is a cake made with chopped candied fruit and/or dried fruit, nuts, and spices, and (optionally) soaked in spirits. In the United Kingdom, certain rich versions may be iced and decorated. Fruitcakes are often served in celebration of weddings and Christmas.

So quit being mean to fruitcake, and try some before you joke about it. I'll even send you my recipe!

Here is an extreme close up of my Christmas tree this year. It's a real tree and it's very pretty!

Hope everybody has a wonderful holiday!

Rest in Peace Blaze

2009-11-19T13:51:00.004-06:00

My 18 month old cat, Blaze, died this morning. He had gotten neutered and declawed last week and was recovering just fine. Tuesday night he acted like he wasn't feeling great and Wednesday I took him to the vet. She kept him and gave him some fluids and antibiotics. She called this morning and said he'd gotten much worse and passed away. I'm so sad. It's just not fair that he lost his life. He was so pretty. He was huge...he had the biggest feet ever and a big head. He loved to bump your head with his and he had the cutest meow. He loved to jump and could get really high. He was forever pulling magnets off the fridge. I feel terrible that I wasn't with him when he died. I hope he wasn't scared. I have a headache from crying so much. He and the chihuahua puppy were best friends and she spent a long time licking tears off my face. I will miss him. I know I have lots of cats but I love them all. Blaze was so young. His life was short, but I hope he felt happy and loved. Happy trails, Blaze. I won't forget you.

Making some cards

2009-11-16T21:47:00.002-06:00

I made 10 cards for my stamping group for tomorrow night. I could have picked a simple quick card instead of a card that was complicated but I didn't. Anyway, I like how they turned out. I made 2 of each kind but they are all basically the same.

The technique is called Tri Shutter Fold. I used the 2008 in colors from Stampin Up (or maybe 07..can't remember). So they are Blue Bayou, Soft Sky, Wild Wasabi, River Rock, and Groovy Guava.

On the inside the panel says "Thinking of You" and there's a butterfly stamped and colored with a clear stardust pen, and little bursts. The ink I used was Not Quite Naby, True Thyme, and Groovy Guava. I used my Cuttlebug Paisley die cut in the same cardstock colors and put them around the card too. I used coordinating designer paper on each card.

Charlie the kitten continues to eat and grow. He is 9 weeks old now and has been completely weaned for about a week and a half. He uses his litter box, eats cat food, and runs and jumps all over the place.

Well that's it for now. Nothing new happening...just working and coming home and repeating!

Painting class is over

2009-10-14T19:41:00.002-05:00

For now. Ben will have lessons at his studio again but not until his next class at Heartland is finished. I painted a little white church in the woods on Monday night.

Sorry for the crooked, blurry picture. I can't take a clear picture to save my life.

Here's a picture of my little darling, Charlie. He poops all by himself now, he's learning to use the litterbox, he is eating solid food, he sleeps through the night. Such a good boy!

So I baked today. These looked so pretty.

I found a pie recipe but no way did mine look like that. You were supposed to pour this sauce over the top of the pie and it was supposed to soak into the apples. Some of it did and it tasted dee-licious but it looks ugly. The pie crust was wonderful. It was one stick of butter Crisco, 1 tsp. salt, and 2 1/2 cps of flour blended together with a pastry blender. Then add 6 Tbsp. of ice water and mix until it just goes together. Split into 2 equal portions, roll out and Ta Dah! Pie crust! So here's my ugly finished pie.

I'm going to make it again and pour the sauce over the apples and then put the top crust on. It was warm and good though and that caramel sauce on it..yummy.

2009-10-01T21:54:00.001-05:00

Kittens and Paintings

2009-09-30T21:30:00.002-05:00

Kitten who is now named Charlie (courtesy of Girl) had his first visit to the vet. He is indeed a boy and the vet thought he looked wonderful. He weighs a full pound and has doubled his weight in 10 days! He got a shot to help him poop and we changed his formula. He finally pooped today! Yay for kitten poop! It's quite sad that my days have been consumed with worrying about kitten poop. Yeah, my life is exciting. You can see he's really changed from last week.

He eats about 3 tablespoons of formula every 3 hours. I can't wait until he can sleep through the night!! I want to sleep through the night so bad!

He's sweet though.

I been doing some painting. I did Plein Aire painting for the first time. It was fun. We went to Ewing Manor and I painted a Bald Cypress tree. Sorry my pics are a little dark.

I am not finished with this painting but I'll show you anyway. You probably can't tell what it is. Run a few feet away from your monitor and it might look better...if not, it's a waterfall. Yeah, it's a work in progress.

I just did a copy of a Van Gogh the other night. It's pretty dark so the pic didn't show up that well but here you go.

And finally, this barn I painted is my mom's favorite so far. I hated it for 2 hours but it suddenly came together.

Well I've bored you enough for now. Keep hoping for kitten poop for me!

A new kitteh

2009-09-22T22:24:00.004-05:00

Surprise. Though I guess it's not so surprising anymore. My outside cat, Puma, who is wild and won't let me touch her after 2 years with me was pregnant. I thought she might be pregnant but she was very little so I was guessing mid-October for a birthdate. On Saturday, September 12, Puma came into the garage in the morning for breakfast. I thought she had poop on her butt but of course she wouldn't let me look. Mom and I went to Dwight about an hour later and there was a blood drop on the floor but Puma looked fine and ran out the door. We came back about a half hour later and Puma was waiting to get in. I was running to Pontiac to pick up meds so I just ran the cold stuff into the house. When I came back out to the garage 60 seconds later, Puma was sitting there with a kitten in her mouth. HUH??

I was surprised since I didn't know she was pregnant! So she just had the one. I fixed up a box for her but she ignored it and took it over on the concrete floor.

Fast forward to Sunday, September 20. As Girl and I were leaving to go to Harvest Days, Puma was sitting close to the door and the kitten was lying on the floor. It looked dead so I asked my sister to take care of it. She went out and thought it was dead too so she picked it up. It started moving but was very weak and, of course, Puma wouldn't take it back. I think Puma didn't have enough milk for it because I couldn't see her nipples at all and the kitten was very weak and cold. Maybe having just one kitten didn't provide enough stimulation for Puma.

So, the kitten is all fixed up in the carrier and being fed kitten formula. It didn't eat well the first day and didn't make a sound. I expected it to die but it's really getting strong. It eats about 2 tablespoons at a time and pees and poops and lets everybody know when it's not happy. It opened it's eyes finally last night and kept looking at me, blinking, like "Hmmm, you aren't what I was expecting, Mom".

Of course it could still die. Kittens can die for no reason no matter how well I take care of it. But the vet has given instructions and is pleased with Kitteh's progress. We'll see.

My mom was not happy about having this little kitten to feed every 2 hours. She has day shift and I set my alarm at night to get up to feed it. But she secretly likes the little kitten. I think she needs an "Ask me about my grandkitten" T-shirt.

Birthday Mom and Girl's bedroom

2009-08-26T20:58:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday! Happy Birthday Mom! My mom is the most awesome mother on the face of the earth. She lost my dad in 1971 when my sister was 7 and I was 3. She worked hard her entire life to make sure my sister and I had everything we needed.

She always says we didn't have the nice stuff the other kids had but she doesn't know we had more because we had her! I don't remember wanting for anything as a child.

She had very little help from her family and at times worked 2 jobs to support us. She never accepted a handout from the government and did everything on her own. She's my roommate and my best friend and I hope to keep her around for many, many more years! I love you Mom!!

In other wonderful news, Girl's bedroom is done. It better stay clean. My new motto is if it's left on the floor, it's gone. She won't like that motto too much I'm thinking.

The room is pink with grey trim and a fairy border. The floor is laminate and the room is about 3 feet shorter than it used to be with the addition of the wall. She loves her new room...here's hoping she can cut the umbilical cord and sleep in it all by herself!

Tomatoes and such and Hang in there Shanon!

2009-08-23T20:36:00.005-05:00

My lovely friend, Carolyn, gave me a boatload of beautiful tomatoes. So I made spaghetti sauce! First I blanched them and peeled them and seeded them. Then I put them whole in a giant pot with a tiny bit of water (about 1 cup). Then I added pork neck bones, and beef bones. I chopped an onion, a stalk of celery, 3 lg. cloves of garlic, shredded 2 carrots and added fresh herbs from my little garden (oregano, thyme, chives, and basil). Some salt and pepper and we were cooking! After about 2 hours, I took the meat bones out. Poor Daisy the puppy was standing by the stove and the pot boiled a blop out on her back. She took off screaming, I chased her and wiped her off and held a cold washcloth to her back for about 20 minutes. She is fine...no blisters thank goodness!
Anyway, I picked the little bit of meat off the bones and put it back into the pot, adjusted my seasonings, and added some baking soda to get rid of some of the acidity. When it was finished, I used the immersion blender and TADAH!!! Spaghetti Sauce. It's deee-lish!

I am also posting a picture of my grandma Gertie and my great aunt Dee Dee's graves. I went there in the spring and while I was sitting there, I remembered I had some bulbs in the van that I had bought but never planted. I figured they were dead but I planted them on the graves anyway. I went out there yesterday and was surprised to see flowers. Lots on Grandma's grave and just one on Dee Dee's but they were so pretty!

Also for your viewing pleasure, a picture of my father when he was around 21 years old. This would have been about the time my mother was born. He was married to somebody else at the time and married my mom after divorcing. He was quite a bit older than her and he died soon after I turned 3. My oldest sister, Lynda, is actually the same age as my mom which is weird. I just got off the phone a little bit ago with my niece, Jillene, who is 4 years older than me! It's all strange.

Before I go I want to give a shout out to my friend, Shanon. She probably won't see my blog but I want to shout about how great she is and how strong she is. You can do it Shanon. I have faith and you should too! I love ya, girl!

Peace

2009-08-21T23:27:00.005-05:00

Well the Boy has departed. It's quiet here...except for the puppy! Hopefully, Boy will do well when he starts at his new school. He'll be going here and he is so excited!

The Girl might have ADHD. That's really not a surprise as she has never been able to sit still. Now if there was a reason she was so bossy.

I can't believe the summer is almost over. I love autumn but it means that winter is coming and I hate driving to work in the winter. I hate wearing a coat. I'm dreading winter!!

In happy news, we have new phones. We bundled our services with Verizon. I have a purple Motorola Rival. I like it and Mom has a Nokia. She even texts! Her first text to me was "ha i did it". She's so funny!

I tried to send myself all my pictures from my old phone before I lost service and I found a cool picture I took in downtown Chicago and also a picture of me with Miss Chiclet. There is a picture I took with my new phone on the way home from work. I was trying to take a picture of all the new wind turbines to show my mom but there were storm clouds ahead of me and behind me so I took a picture of them.

I'm also posting a picture of Blaze who was delighted to find a food bowl that he thought was the perfect size for him.

So this is my first free weekend since early June. I'm cleaning the Girl's bedroom and she had better keep it this way. Then I'm going to spot clean my carpets. Daisy is getting better about potty training but sure isn't perfect. I'm also going to can some spaghetti sauce. I'm also planning on doing a whole lot of nothing. I want to stamp a few cards. I've sold quite a few of them at work and I need to replenish my stock.

Happy weekend everybody!

The untitled blog post

2009-08-09T21:28:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to title it. Does it have to have a title? Why can't it just be nameless? Only one more week before the Boy goes back home. It's been a pretty good summer.

I've painted 2 paintings. I took some terribly blurry pictures of them but I'll post them anyway.

The puppy, Daisy, is growing. She's 5 months old now. Hopefully I can find a picture of her to post.

Lots of changes at work. It's been scary with the state of Illinois not really caring who their budget cuts hurt. I still have a job which I'm thankful for.

I took my niece and my BFF's daughter to Six Flags. What a horrible day it was. I had to pay $15 to park 1 mile (no kidding) from the park entrance. Then I had to pay $11 for a locker. Then they wouldn't let you bring a purse onto the ride. It's a loose article you know. So they have lockers that you have to pay $1 for each time you get on a ride. Then I whacked my knee into a bent piece of metal waiting in line. I had to have x-rays and they thought it might be broke below the knee cap. Thankfully it wasn't but it's supposed to take 6 - 8 weeks to heal. It's been 3 and it's just starting to feel better. The bruising is finally faded. So I took a picture of my niece on the Columbia Carousel. I don't know if you can see it but she's on the horse and looking in the mirror next to her.
Sorry about the bad quality pictures...I'm shaky!!

Computer Issues

2009-07-19T09:20:00.002-05:00

My router broke...that means I only get the computer with internet in short little snatches. The Boy is usually on. It also means I can't get to my pictures stored on the laptop which makes for a boring, pictureless post.

We are doing some patching and painting to prepare the Girl's bedroom. It's pink and gray with fairy border. The Dish is already hooked up and I've been patching. I just have to sand and paint today.

Tomorrow should be oil painting class after about a 6 week absence! I'm excited!

We are winning are battle against the fleas. We are down to about 5 fleas per day as opposed to our all time high of 30! Disgusting creatures who have no place in this world. If bats ate fleas I'd be inclined to invite our friend, Guano, to come back into the house. Well...probably not. He did scare the crap out of me.

It's vacation week for me. I am totally caught up at work and my lag time is 1.67 days! That's good in case you don't have any idea what I'm talking about!
The Girl and I are going to Six Flags on Wednesday so I will post a picture from last years trip! That way there will be pictures in this post! Yea!!!

Race Cars and Puppies

2009-07-04T19:03:00.004-05:00

The puppy is going to be staying. Her name changes pretty frequently. She's been Baby, Daisy, Bella, Chelsea, and currently she is Baby again. She and Chiclet get along pretty good and she really loves Blaze.

Though Chiclet looks like she's saying..no...get rid of her!

I took the boy to Texas Roadhouse in Joliet on Wednesday to see the Jim Beam racecar. What fun....if you are a 13 year old boy that is.

The boy and I were going to go to the races tonight where there was supposed to be fireworks. But they were cancelled because of this rain. So we're just hanging, watching a movie, and eating a cake I baked. Maybe we'll hit some fireworks tomorrow...lots of towns rescheduled for tomorrow night.

It's been a crazy day. A website that I frequent has made some very poor decisions and I have lost respect for the owner. What a sad thing that he is unable to take a stand. I have a group of very dear friends that I shall continue to go to the site to spend time with but other than that, I will not support this website any longer. Many posters have left the site over this issue and it is wrong to let it continue.

So here's a short video the Boy wanted me to take of the car. Yes you can hear me complaining that is smells terrible. It really did.

Relay pictures, Puppies, and Catching Up

2009-06-27T20:54:00.003-05:00

As promised, I have some pictures from the Relay for Life a couple of weeks ago. It was not hot at all during the Relay. In fact, it was downright cold. During the night, we could see our breath! Mackenzie and I walked for a couple of hours but she finally fell asleep around 2:30 a.m. I think. When I got up to clean up, I dumped her in the chair and we ended up dumping stuff on top of her.

She woke up and looked around like "what's going on??". Poor kid. Here are a few pics from the Relay.

Mackenzie was looking forward to eating breakfast at IHOP when we got done with the Relay. She was filthy and I was exhausted but we went.

The puppy is still here. Hopefully she'll be able to stay here. She is so happy here. She loves Blaze and Chiclet. She'd doing good with potty training. Too bad she brought an unpleasant surprise with her. FLEAS! I hate them. We had to get Frontline for her because it's the only one approved for puppies. She has to have baths with gentle shampoo because she has very delicate skin. I have vacuumed daily, sprayed the carpet with Raid for fleas, sprayed the dogs with flea spray, treated the cats, and today steam cleaned the carpets....there were a boatload of fleas in the water that I sucked out of the rug. GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!! Hopefully the steam cleaning will make a big difference but I'm still treating the carpet and vacuuming every night.

Here's some pics of the puppy and Chiclet, and Blaze.

Blaze is obsessed with Cat Chow..he crawls inside the bag to eat.

Today after the steam cleaning, Mike and I went to a car show in Pontiac for their Summer Bash. We took the puppy with us and she rode in her nifty little bag over my shoulder. She loved it and got some home baked dog treats which she loved and some lady thought she was so cute she gave her a toy for free. Mike took a picture of me with her in the bag but he cut my head off....he's apparently not that good at taking pics.

There were painted dogs all over...they were so funny. They were auctioning them off when we were leaving. We decided to leave because there were thunderstorm warnings and it looked pretty dark and scary. I took some pictures but they were blurry and washed out. I posted them anyway.

Relays and puppies

2009-06-16T19:39:00.005-05:00

Well the Relay for Life is over. Our team met our goal and I met my personal fundraising goal too. Thanks everybody who helped me out!

I have some pictures but I can't get to them right now. They are on the desktop and I can't access it because "the boy" is on the computer playing under his profile so the files aren't shared. I will share some pics later though.

Mackenzie went to the Relay with me. We got there at noon on Saturday and she ate and walked and ate and walked and ate and walked and ate and walked. We walked from 12:30 a.m. until 2:00 a.m. and then she was done. She climbed up on me and crashed. She slept until 5:00 a.m. when I dumped her in the chair and cleaned up. She fell back asleep and stuff just kept getting piled on top of her.

When I woke her up to go, she wanted to go to IHOP for breakfast. She was filthy and so was I but we went and ate then drove home. I slept on the couch until noon but she didn't sleep at all. Finally at 8:00 pm Sunday night, she was crabby and cranky and fell asleep.

Monday it was back to work. My sister and Mackenzie stayed over on Sunday night too, to go to the doctor with my mom. She has a hernia that she got when she was sick in April and coughed for weeks. They left Monday night and left "the boy" with us. He is staying with me for the summer.

And now to the puppy. I, temporarily, have a 12 week old Chihuahua puppy living with me. It's only supposed to be for a week or two but it is very likely to become permanent. She's a cute little thing. Chiclet is a little jealous of her and Blaze thinks she's a large rat who should be disposed of. Her name is Precious but if I end up keeping her, I'm NOT calling her Precious. I put a couple pictures of her here...she's adorable and so funny.

Relay For Life

2009-06-07T10:17:00.003-05:00

The "hopeful" side of cancer has never been more hopeful, thanks in large part to advances in cancer prevention, detection and treatment. But fighting cancer still takes a tremendous emotional toll on patients and their families. And the financial stakes are huge, even for those who have insurance.

None of us has to look far to see the effects of cancer. Some of us only have to look in the mirror. Since 2005, I have lost 4 family members to cancer. My grandma Gertie, died in 2007. My great aunt, Dee Dee, died in 2008. Although they had lived long, happy lives, they still suffered tremendously from their cancer. My aunt, Toni, died in 2005 at the age of 61. She was only supposed to survive for 6 months after her diagnosis on New Year's Eve in 1997 but became a born again Christian and lived for 8 more years. My cousin, David, died around Christmas this past year and was only 27 years old. He had been diagnosed just one year earlier and was so lucky to have been diagnosed with a curable, easily treatable form of cancer. Cancer took him anyway. His mother, my aunt Mary, is a cancer survivor!! She beat breast cancer and will hopefully be around for a long, long time!

I’ve decided to Fight Back by joining a Relay For Life team and have pledged to raise $125 for the American Cancer Society. I hope you'll consider joining me in this fight by making a contribution to my Relay team. You can do so by clicking the link to my Relay web site at the bottom of this page.

The American Cancer Society is well known for its research investments. Virtually every major cancer breakthrough of the last 60 years can be traced to Society funding.

What you may not know is that the American Cancer Society also provides cancer patients and their families access to reliable information and free resources for day-to-day help and emotional support to complement what their doctors and medical facilities provide.

Thank you!

Click here to visit my personal page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09IL?px=11261083&pg=personal&fr_id=15173&fl=en_US&s_tafId=266661

Click here to view the team page for Thresholds of Recovery
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY09IL?team_id=504421&pg=team&fr_id=15173&fl=en_US&s_tafId=266661

A boring life

2009-06-02T19:52:00.003-05:00

Yes that's what I lead. I have no children, just pets...so not a lot of work required. Although 2 of the cats were sick with cold like symptoms last week, and are now better but the other 2 now have it. Only one cat is requiring medication and he can look so pathetic. His nose is all stuffy so he blows his breath out the sides of his mouth...oh my gosh does his breath stink but I don't want to push him off my lap because he seems to want extra cuddling. Poor little bugger.

So because I have no responsibilities, I can do whatever I want. I've been stamping quite a few cards in the last week. Some graduation cards, some birthday cards, and tonight I stamped 2 wedding cards. They are the same except for their colors and I think they turned out pretty. They are very simple....I don't usually make cards that are too elaborate even though I'd like to. It's just not me I guess.

The card are black and white, and cream and tan. The wedding cake is colored with a clear stardust pen and the hearts on the cake have the glaze over the glitter. I did the edge of the wedding cake panel with the stardust pen as well. I used sheer ribbon, and some clear gems to add some bling. The inside says, "Live, Love, Laugh, and Be Happy".

I'm selling my cards at work for $1 apiece to raise money for Relay For Life. So far I've made $45 to add to my donation and I have a $10 donation online. I probably won't make it to the $125 but I joined late in the game.

We are having a bake sale next Tuesday so hopefully we'll do good with that. I'll be baking like a demon over the weekend. I'm bringing apple pies, rhubarb pies, some banana bread, poppy seed lemon bread, and cookies. That sounds like enough to me.

If you would like to donate to Relay for Life just head over to my page and help us out. If you are in the Kankakee area on Saturday June 13, stop by and see us. We'll be selling fruit cups, and energy snack mix, more hand made cards and if you want to walk a lap or two, we won't stop you.

Happy Retirement

2009-05-19T21:19:00.003-05:00

My office mate is retiring and Friday is her last day. She will be moving to Louisiana! I made her a card and used yesterdays Technique Challenge on Splitcoast. It wasn't easy and I scored the first one too hard and it ripped but the second one I got just right.

I used a 12x12 sheet of brown textured cardstock and did the folding. Then I put Designer paper on the individual panels. I stamped the flowers on Vanilla cardstock and colored them with watercolor pencils and painted them with the water. I put one of the front panel and another on the last panel. I stamped Congratulations....let the relaxation begin, and Happy Retirement and layered it on a Sage Shadow panel and put it in the center. I used some paper flower embellishments, and some clear flower beads. Then I put cream thin ribbon with brown sheer ribbon and made a bow for it. I hope she likes it!

I've been down and out

2009-05-17T11:12:00.005-05:00

Hello all.

It's been a terribly busy week. We're moving at work and it's been pretty exhausting. We were out in the country in an old schoolhouse but now we've moved about 15 miles into the city. We went from 24000 sq. ft. to 3000 sq. ft. so it's a huge difference. I've heard lots of negative comments but I think in the end it will work out.

Unfortunately, we had to pack, move, and unpack all last week and we're supposed to jump right into things tomorrow. My office is nowhere close to being organized and I have no idea what group I have tomorrow so it ought to be interesting!

But in the evenings when I got home, I was so tired I just hung out. I painted a little bit last week and hope to do some tomorrow as well. So nothing new to show you there.

I don't even have a picture to put up! That won't do. I'll have to find one to post. There!! For your viewing pleasure, a blurry picture of my tulips!

I planted some bulbs at the cemetary yesterday. I go to the cemetary fairly often and wipe off the headstones, pull the weeds, or just rearrange things. I hope the bulbs come up next year. They should be pretty. I have to get some Memorial Day things to put out there. My friend, Dale, knew my great aunt Dee Dee because she was the DON at the nursing home. She loved Dee Dee and wants to help put some flowers out there so we're going to be going to Owen Nursery in the next few weeks. I worked there for about 6 months. Truly, a horrible place to work...they don't treat their employees very good at all. I would never order plants through the mail from them because I don't think they make it through the shipping process that well but I go there to buy my plants because they are wonderful.

I am asking everybody I know to please support me as I walk at the Relay for Life. My grandma Gertie, my aunt Toni, my great-aunt Dee Dee, and my cousin David all died from cancer and my aunt Mary is a breast cancer survivor. Her three daughters are at risk for breast cancer and my cousin, Dawn (David's twin) just completed the 3 day Walk for the Cure despite being 5 months pregnant with her first child.

See ya next time!

Long time, no see!

2009-05-06T20:25:00.005-05:00

Sorry for the long delay in posting. I've had a busy week and I just can't seem to catch up. It's been very busy at work as we're getting ready to move. It's also crunch time to complete the last month of billing by tomorrow in the midst of all the packing and cleaning and, of course, doing our job.

So I have revamped the lighthouse painting. Ben helped me to make it a little bit more three dimensional. I think it looks much better. What do you think?

I have a couple of other paintings I'm working on...they are works in progress.

One is a bridge coming out of the trees that I saw at Kankakee River State Park. It's really a beautiful park.

The other is some sunflowers in a coffee can. This one is REALLY unfinished!!

I'm also trying to stamp some cards for some birthdays and graduations that are coming up.

Hopefully I can finish at least one of those paintings and post the finished product!

Latest painting

2009-04-27T20:42:00.004-05:00

First off I want to give a shout out to Stellan who was finally released from the hospital today!! I'm sure he and his mother can't wait to get home tomorrow!!

My art teacher, Ben, had to cancel our class tonight since his wife and daughter are sick. I finished the painting I had started last week. My mom really likes this one. I think it turned out good too.

And finally, my back is just now starting to feel better. I hope it continues because I'm sick of walking around crooked!

This and that

2009-04-26T19:06:00.002-05:00

So far the week has been kind of blah. I still have a sore back and haven't done to much. I did go to my painting class on Monday night. Ben is now giving us lessons in his own painting studio. It was great. He has a painting there that I love. It's hands letting butterflies go. I am painting a lighthouse but am currently at a stand still because I need Transparent Oxide Red and Michael's and Hobby Lobby don't sell it. I want to go to Blicks in Galesburg next weekend but what a drive. I'll go anyway since I'm always up for a drive.

Stellan is close to going home. I'm keeping my fingers and my toes crossed for MckMama that his SVT stays under control!

I have painting class again tomorrow night. I can't wait until I'm a good enough painter that I can pick up a brush and create something out of nothing.

I also need to make 5 birthday cards but don't feel like sitting in my kitchen chairs right now with my back feeling like it does. Oh well....I'll get them done.

Rainy Weekend

2009-04-19T19:38:00.006-05:00

I've spent the weekend just relaxing because I popped my back. I just bent down to pick up a laundry basket to take it downstairs. It feels better tonight and my last load of laundry is in the dryer. I made my cards for the stamping group on Tuesday. I made a wedding card. It was just a quick and simple one..nothing too elaborate. I used white, basic gray, and a lighter gray that looks almost like beige. I used the Cuttlebug to emboss the gray cardstock and embossed the flower using platinum ink and clear embossing powder. I have a terrible time tying bows but this sheer silver ribbon wasn't too bad and it looks like a bow. On the inside it says, "Welcome to the wedded bliss club". I did some piercing in the corners, and put some faux stitching with a clear stardust pen. It wasn't too bad doing 10 of them...it went pretty fast.

I think I have a painting class tomorrow with Ben. He's decided to have classes at his own studio now that our class at the college is over. I'm excited! I was sad about giving it up and feel like I have lots more to learn about oil painting.

Please keep praying for Stellan. It sounds like he will be having heart surgery on Tuesday in Boston. I sure hope everything goes okay.

Keep Stellan and his family in your thoughts

2009-04-16T18:33:00.003-05:00

MckMama and sweet Stellan flew to Boston this morning. Doctors decided that his SVT was not treatable with medications so he will be having a pretty risky heart surgery in a few days. I will be thinking of Stellan and hoping that things go well.

As for me, I got rid of the kids on Saturday. Mike had been sick on Monday and Tuesday, both were fine for the trip to Schaumburg, then Mackenzie came down with it on Friday. She crawled into bed with me and was like a furnace. We went downstairs and her temperature was 102. By Saturday she was having a lot of tightness in her chest and was pretty miserable. Here she is having a nebulizer treatment. She looks pretty bad.

She's finally feeling better and now my poor mother has it. I have carried bleach water with me and washed off everything before I touch it and so far, I haven't got it. But the weekend's coming so it could still whack me!

Vacation Week

2009-04-09T09:40:00.002-05:00

All I've done on my vacation is finish billing, spring cleaning and take the kids to Schaumburg to the park district and IKEA!

We went here yesterday. The kids had a great time. It was 5/8 mile hike through the woods to get to the farm.

At the farm we messed with animals, learned about how a farm worked in the 1800's, ate a picnic lunch, and went through the old farmhouse.

We then hiked the 5/8 mile back to the van.

Then we headed to IKEA! The kids had never been to IKEA and they both loved it. Of course, if they find video games, they love it no matter where it is.

We ended up driving 90 minutes, going to the park, going to Dick Blicks, going to IKEA, driving 45 minutes to Joliet, going to Michael's, going to Ultra Foods, going to Boston Market then driving 45 more minutes home. Then we had to go to WalMart because Mac had $10 to spend but only spent $2 so her $8 was burning a hole in her pocket. They only got in trouble for fighting 2 times and Mac lost her money once but earned it back by behaving herself. It was a pretty good day.

Mac woke up this morning and said, "I don't know why my legs feel so funny...like they don't want to hold me up". My entire body feels like that today!

The Face of Autism

2009-04-04T12:29:00.004-05:00

April is Autism Awareness Month. Autism is a terrible disease that affects so many children. If you are struggling with your child, here is a web site that offers some resources for you. The Autism Society of America can provide you with information, ideas for dealing with your autistic child, and support. You can also search the internet for all kinds of support groups and hopefully you can find one in your local area too.

My nephew, Michael, was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at age 5. He has a lot of difficulty with reading non-verbal signals, and understanding jokes and sarcasm. He is bullied terrible in school by kids who think he's weird. He doesn't get along that well with his little sister and he and his mother butt heads pretty often. He spends the summer with me and loves having all the attention for himself. He is a smart kid but suffers with depression issues and in addition, he has ADHD. Autism is different for every kid.

A new painting

2009-04-02T20:39:00.004-05:00

This is my second original painting. I like it but I'm taking it back to class so Ben can look at it again and tell me what he thinks it needs.

It's a little bit blurry but I took the picture at night so I didn't have any natural light.

Just stuff

2009-04-02T10:01:00.004-05:00

I wanted to give an update on little Stellan. He is doing better and has been out of SVT and in a regular sinus rhythm for about 16 hours now. He still has a long road ahead of him as far as figuring out how to treat the SVT and he won't be able to go home until he's weaned off of the I.V. medications. His mother, MckMama, is exhausted and barely functioning so please continue to pray for this family. She says he is feeling much better today after receiving fluids and getting a break from his SVT.

I am sick. I have whatever stomach bug is going around work. My stomach hurts pretty dang bad and I feel like a big, bloated balloon. I am hungry but when I eat my stomach has the worst pains. My birthday is in 3 days and I DO NOT want to have this virus then.

I am on vacation next week because I have my sister's children while they are on spring break. We are taking a trip to Schaumburg to visit and old time farm plus Ikea and Dick Blicks is there as well. I am still loving my painting class and will post a picture of my newest painting after I finish the detail work on it.

Card for Stellan

2009-03-29T19:16:00.002-05:00

Poor Stellan is not doing well. His heart is beginning to wear out and he and his family need prayers more than ever. I made a get well card for him and a picture frame that I'm sending tomorrow.

Please add him to your church's prayer lists and tell everybody you know to pray for him.

Not Me Monday

2009-03-29T11:24:00.007-05:00

In honor of MckMama and Stellan who are still in the PICU, today's Not Me Monday is all about......STELLAN!!!! I'm not so sure about my faith, or what I believe. But believe me when I say that I have prayed for this child like no other. MckMama is the total opposite of me but she is such a great mommy and I have been addicted to her blog for quite some time.

I did not post "Please pray for Stellan" on every website I visited including my Facebook, my blog, Splitcoast Stampers, and The Antonio Banderas Webmall. That would seem like overkill so I didn't do that!

I didn't change my siggy line at Splitcoast Stampers to link to MckMama's blog!

I did not send out an email to every single person in my address book with pictures of Stellan and requests to pray.

I would not spend an entire hour refreshing MckMama's blog at work anxiously awaiting her next Tweet.

I certainly didn't call my co-workers into my office to look at pictures of the MckKids, discuss how cute they were, and request that they add Stellan to their prayer lists at their churches.

I would never speak of Stellan like I personally knew him and his Mama to others and then I certainly wouldn't feel like I was just a little better than them because MckMama has responded to me personally before!

I did not suck my sister into MckMama's blog so that she is texting me throughout the day for updates!

Please everybody, continue to pray for Stellan and his family. Pray that his heart can stay strong until the doctor's can find the right combination of meds. Pray for his heart to convert to a normal sinus rhythm and stay that way. Pray for wisdom for Stellan's doctors and peace for MckMama and Prince Charming as they make decisions for their son. Pray pray pray!

Please Pray

2009-03-27T13:41:00.003-05:00

MckMama's Stellan had a procedure to put in a central line or PICC line since his IV's were all blown. After the procedure he went into V-Tach again which is a deadly heart rhythm. Please pray for his heart to convert to a normal sinus rhythm.

Stellan update

2009-03-26T16:47:00.005-05:00

Poor Stellan's heart is still beating extremely fast. They are waiting for the medications to reach a therapeutic level in his system before they make any decisions about more invasive approaches. There is a surgery for his condition that is very successful in adults and older children, but is more difficult on infants.

Please head over to MckMama's blog to catch up on her Tweets, and offer an encouraging word. Please keep this family and their sweet baby in your prayers.

Enabler Alert: Hobby Lobby has 50% off rubber stamps, scrapbook paper, stickers.....well that's enough for a trip right there!

I did nothing productive today except have an asthma attack from cleaning the toilet at work with some nasty toxic stuff. Next time, I'll hold it all day.

Stellan's name

2009-03-24T12:53:00.006-05:00

Head on over to MckMama's blog for updates on Stellan. If there is no new post, be sure to check Twitter a little farther down on the left side of her blog. There was a tweet about an hour ago saying Stellan had flipped into a different rhythm that was alarming the nurses and the doctor was being paged. Please pray!

I've been praying so hard for Stellan. When he was diagnosed with heart problems before he was born and expected to die, MckMama started a gallery of his name...so he would be known and remembered. One of her blog readers has now restarted his name gallery. All I had to make his name was some grapes on a paper towel on my desk but I gave it a try. I only had my cell phone to take a picture with and had to really work to get the picture from my phone to my work computer but I think Stellan is worth it!

Please Pray For Stellan

2009-03-23T07:20:00.006-05:00

UPDATE:

Stellan is still not doing well. Please pray for him that his heart will return to a normal rhythm. Pray pray pray!

Poor MckMama is in Childrens Hospital with her sweet Stellan. He is having the same type of heart problem that almost caused him to die while in the womb. This time it was brought on by a nebulizer treatment he got in the ER.

Ahhhh....Sunday

2009-03-22T19:23:00.003-05:00

Well it's a nice relaxing Sunday...gotta love that. I have gone through 2 microwaves today! The first one comes on all by itself and is about 22 years old so it's time for it to go. I got another one from the garage that was at my grandma's house and tried it. It worked and heated up stuff but it's fan doesn't run so it got screaming hot on top of it so it's trash too!

My poor lamp was murdered by my sweet kitten, Blaze. He wanted up on the back of the chair and decided to jump over the lamp from the couch. Well, that didn't work and he crashed. He did eventually make it, but in the end came back to the couch and was exhausted from the whole ordeal.

I made all of my cards for the stamping group on Tuesday night! Here's a look at the card I did. It was pretty simple and fast....my favorite kind!

My first original painting

2009-03-18T21:03:00.003-05:00

I had my 4th oil painting class on Monday. We had to bring a picture and paint it. I had several pictures but I eventually chose one that I took on the camping trip last May.

I wasn't sure I liked the painting at first but I'm starting to like it better now.

It was difficult to make the man and I still don't think he looks quite right but I'm happy with it considering it's my fourth one and my first original ever.

Not Me Monday

2009-03-16T06:48:00.005-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It was a crazy week for me. I feel like I've been asleep all week long. So I'll just get right into it.

I DID NOT arrive at work an hour late and use the excuse that the roads were flooded. The roads were indeed flooded but not the one I went on. I also DID NOT take the flooded road the next day just to make my excuse almost real.

I WOULD NEVER give the 7 year old a Cafe Latte at 9:00 p.m. (from the new espresso machine!). Everybody knows that caffiene makes her hyper and that close to bedtime would be a really bad idea!

I certainly DID NOT tell my PSR group members that I hated their group and ask what they wanted to learn. They DID NOT then start discussing sex and give me all kinds of topics that had NOTHING to do with what we needed to learn.

I HAVE NOT been procrastinating at work so badly that there is nothing billed yet for the month of March. I WOULD NEVER do that because that mean's I have to bust my butt to get it done this week.

Anybody else not do anything last week?

Finally....

2009-03-10T21:09:00.004-05:00

.....I stamped a card. I've been focusing on trying to learn to oil paint and have neglected my stamping. But I found some cute penguin stamps at Jeffrey Allan's and they were only $1 each. I bought 4 of them and used them for this card tonight. I would love to make elegant gorgeous stamped cards but it's just not me! I liked this one though and thought it was pretty cute. I love glitter!!

Next week I head to painting class again so I'll hopefully be posting an original painting...it's pretty scary though!

Third painting class

2009-03-03T20:57:00.005-06:00

I had my third painting class last night and we painted in color for the first time. My favorite painting is Van Gogh's Bedroom at Arles. I decided to copy it for my first color painting. Ben ( http://benhauckfineart.com/ ) told me it would be very difficult for me to do because of all the different perspectives and straight lines. He told me it would really be challenging. So I did it anyway and it was hard. I worked on it tonight and I feel like it's done now. My painting is a different size than my sample so it looks different. And I had a hard time with the floor but I think I like it. My painting is first followed by the sample I used. They don't fit on the page but I can't fix that right now! You can click on the picture and see the full version.

Not Me Monday

2009-03-02T10:15:00.004-06:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not become suspicious of the thumps coming from MY bedroom when the 7 year old had said she was tired and going to take a nap and have to use my really loud mean voice upon discovering said 7 year old with the cat and lots of cat litter in MY bed.

I then did not watch her remake the bed without helping. I would never do that.

I didn't drive my van with no brakes for a week before deciding that the brakes were indeed bad. I'm not stupid enough to do that!

Anybody else??

Rewind to camping in May 2008

2009-03-01T10:42:00.004-06:00

I was just remembering the fun of camping last spring. It is getting to be that time of year again...almost!

Well I went to camp with 11 people with mental illness and my boss. Since I'm not the outdoorsy type (as many of you know) I was dreading the trip just a little. It turned out to be pretty fun but there were some moments that some of you may enjoy.

Monday we got to our cabin on the lake. It was pretty nice and after supper I took myself down to the beach. Just 62 short stairs down to the beach unless you count that last step where you have to jump onto 2 rocks and a cement block as 3. I did because it climbed like 3. I sat on a log and enjoyed the lake until my boss and some of the members (that's what we call the people in our program) came along. "Let's go on a nature hike!" says my skinny little boss, Chuck. O.k. Off we go down the beach. We walked for a while. Then we walked for a while more. Then we climbed over some tree trunks. Then we stopped to admire the sunset. Then it was dark. Chuck says, "I know a shortcut". Remembering that it was at least 62 stairs down to the beach, there's no other way for his shortcut to go than UP!. Straight up. Through the woods. In the dark. I had one member hanging on each belt loop of my pants. My contacts had dried to my eyeballs by then and I couldn't see a thing. I just blindly kept climbing. Whew! We made it. Time to crash onto my 2 inch bunk bed mattress. Here's my favorite picture from out nature hike.

Ahhhhh...morning....it's Tuesday. Everybody's pretty lazy but I manage to make sausage and eggs for 13 people. Yum. Then eat it on the patio where a brisk wind makes it ice cold within seconds. We did some arts and crafts, and some fishing then most everybody had a nap. Not me. I explored the local area. My boss, Chuck, hung with me. "Chuck", I said, "what's in those doors by the cabin?". Chuck didn't know. So he grabs the door handle and pulls the door up to see. Two 6 - 8 foot thick black snakes, that's what's in there! "Run", Chuck says as he slams the door. As he's running he says, "was that 1 snake or 2". He later tells me he's impressed I didn't scream. I know my mouth was open but nothing came out. All I remember is sucking in a big breath and running. By the way, those snakes were right under my bedroom window! Anyway, sleep is for wusses.

So steaks for supper with potatoes, onions, and peppers. Then the thunderstorm. So cards by the fireplace until the wee hours...with popcorn and homemade banana splits.

Wednesday....and our trip to Rockome Gardens....are there flowers there?? I got English toffee, homemade taffy,apple butter, pecan pancake syrup...I like this place. And we went trail riding on horseback. I warily eyed the horses. I make my way to the guide. "Ummmmm", I whisper, "I'm a big girl. Maybe I shouldn't ride these horses. I wouldn't want to hurt them". "Not to worry", she assures me. "We have horses for all sizes of people".

Soon I'm being led to my horse. Lady Jane Supreme was a lovely horse. A Belgian draft horse to be exact. "Just put your foot in this stirrup here" said the guide. This would be the stirrup directly in front of my nose. I looked at the guide and said, "I"m fat. I can't get my leg up that high"..secretly thinking whoo hoo...no riding for me. But no problem they have a step stool. Two steps up and the stirrup is now shoulder height. My boss snickers and aims the camera. Somehow I got my big thigh up over that horse and got my fat ass up there. The horse doesn't seem to notice or care that I'm there and decides to eat grass. Meanwhile I hold on to the saddle horn for dear life. The guide nicely asks if I want him to lead my horse. "Yes that would be nice" I say. So off we go. Six of us on horses riding next the the flooded Kaskaskia River.

My tour guide mentions that his horse is scared of everything. Awwww, I think, poor little baby. Well soon, poor little baby horse was spooked by a blade of grass that was bent different than it was yesterday. Yikes, poor little horse thinks and jumps sideways. My lovely large Belgian draft horse springs into action! DANGER DANGER! Lady Jane Supreme jumps to the side and begins bucking! HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!!!! My teeth slammed together as Lady Jane slammed me into a tree scraping the hell out of my arm. "Stop horse" I kept repeating to no avail. My sister very nicely reminded me later that I should have said "whoa". Honestly the word never came to mind. Finally Lady Jane decides the danger has passed and she should eat grass again. I grab the reins and yank her head up so I didn't pitch forward off her ass. She gave me a very dirty look and decided to eat the tree instead. Finally, Mr. Tour Guide gets his horse to stop going ballistic and comes to grab me and my horse. Off we go back to the trail where his horse promptly stopped and refused to budge. 15 minutes this guy tried to get his horse to move. My horse was biting his horse's butt and still..no dice. So Lady Jane, apparently sick of standing there, decided to trot in a circle for the 15 minutes. If you haven't been on a trotting Belgian draft horse, you haven't lived. I am surprised that I have teeth left. Finally the guide's horse decided enough time had passed that we could move on. Everybody else had already gone on and as we came back, there's my boss, Chuck, still snickering. "What took you so long" he said. Wouldn't he like to know what I was doing in the woods for so long with my tour guide.

Well time to get off the horse. It's a long way down, I think. The step stool is on my left. Hmmmm....I ponder looking at the stool sinking into some mud and at my left foot barely in the stirrup. "May I please get off on the other side of the horse", I ask. Sure sure no problem he says and moves the stool. I stand up and swing my left foot out of the stirrup while my wet (my horse liked to stomp through the puddles so I was wet from my crotch to my ankle) right foot slid rather quickly out of the stirrup and down the 4 feet to the stool. Wham!!!! I landed hard and rather unsteadily climbed off the stool. "Wow!", says the guide, "I didn't think you'd get down that quick". I smiled nicely and said, "neither did I".

Back to the old campsite where, once again, everyone had a nap. Even my boss fell asleep on a log on the beach. Well what should I do I think? Off to the woods with my camera. It's so nice in the woods....I take some pictures of flowers and shit.

Then I go back to the cabin and sit on the picnic table. Ahhhh the lake is so pretty but why is my arm so itchy? I look at it and try to figure out what that black speck is on it. The speck slowly gets larger and larger. I brush at it but it's still there. I grab it and pull it. Finally I get it off me and it leaves a trail of blood and a giant welt. It's the ugliest looking bug I ever saw. Chuck. blearily comes walking by. "Oh you had a tick on you" he casually remarks. Nice.

Pretty soon it's supper time. Steak fajitas...yum. Stupidly, after supper, I head for the beach. 62+ steps down if you remember. I didn't.

Who knew that riding a Belgian draft horse makes your thighs feel really bad later. After a time sitting on a log by the water I decide to go back up to the cabin. My legs, however, decided to do nothing but quiver. 20 minutes later I haul my fat ass up the last stair and lean on the railing panting like a steam engine. It only took about 10 minutes for my breathing to return to normal. To celebrate...2 S'mores by the campfire.

Then back to my 2 inch mattress. Finally today after a long 3 hour drive I'm home again! Yea!!!! I need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!

Painting

2009-02-24T16:47:00.004-06:00

I love, love, love my oil painting class. Last night was my second class and the first night that we painted. We used only black and white. Next week we start mixing colors.

My teacher, Ben ( http://www.benhauckfineart.com/ ) had us do a copy of a painting, and I did Matisse's sunflowers. I finished it in one hour so he had me do another. So I painted a teapot with plate of fruit in front of it.

Ben thought I had painted before but I told him these were my first ever! He said they were fantastic and that he thought I had "the gift"! That's pretty cool! I'm not sure if it's true but it made me feel good!

Not Me Monday

2009-02-22T20:41:00.005-06:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not race to the bathroom at work (where we have a different brand of toilet paper that feels sticky) and have part of the toilet paper stick to my butt and the rest fall in the toilet so that it dropped into my underwear when I stood up. I then did not frantically scrub it with a wet paper towel before going outside in the freezing cold with wet pants.

I would never take the 7 year old to Starbucks and purchase her a $3 Vanilla Latte just so I wouldn't have to give up my own and wonder what kind of backwash she got in it.

I certainly did not choose to make Beer in the Butt chicken just so I'd have an excuse to chug half a can of beer.

I would never be too lazy to try to wedge the carton of eggs back into the refrigerator and look through a cookbook to find a brownie recipe that used the exact number of eggs left instead. Certainly I wouldn't but if I did they would be really delicious and gooey.

Faces

2009-02-20T15:20:00.003-06:00

I love faces. So much information is lost if you can't see the face while you're hearing the words. Our faces tell the truth, even if just for a fleeting second! My pets are no different. Here's some faces of my pets I've captured.

The face of....
Bliss

Cranky

Innocence

Festive

Fear

Sad

Love

Content

Surprised

Tired

Angry

Not Me Monday

2009-02-16T08:36:00.001-06:00

Thankfully, it was a pretty quiet week! I was too cold with the furnace going out to commit many blunders but do have a few!

I WAS NOT startled from a sound sleep by my co-worker barging into my office because I am completely professional.

I DID NOT spend an hour talking about poop with my Health group in an effort to get them to wash their hands.

I WOULD NEVER tell the Wal Mart man that I was just admiring his garage door, after I sat in front of it for over 10 minutes before he finished his cigarette and came over to see what I wanted.

What didn't YOU do last week?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2009-02-14T12:58:00.001-06:00

I even got a Valentine today. How exciting! It wasn't from a big hunk of man but still exciting.

I think Valentine's Day is an excuse to not show love the rest of the year! And it seems unfairly targeted at men. They seem to be the ones who are expected to buy a gift for the ladies. I don't have to worry about that at all....I only sent cards to my niece and nephew! They are easy to please....cash works for them.

I shall be spending my Valentine's Day at K Mart and Aldi....whoo hoo! Maybe I'll find my big hunk of man in there. I don't see it happening but I shall keep an open mind.

Today is also my sister's 11th wedding anniversary. I remember her wedding and the hunter green dress made for a woman with a larger rack. Hunter green on Valentine's Day....whatever floats your boat I guess. She's still married but I'm not sure it's going to make it much longer. Certainly my sister can have her cranky moments but my brother-in-law appears to be...well...an asshole. I'd have kicked him out already but that's just me. Maybe she wants to torture him by making him stay there with her and the 2 kids.

So I've added a picture of my Valentine...the warm body that shares my bed every night. Happy Valentine's Day Chiclet!

Happy Birthday Abe!

2009-02-12T06:51:00.001-06:00

Well I am from Illinois! It was so cold here yesterday. The wind was blowing very hard which made it feel even colder. And on that note, the furnace promptly crapped out. I tried to check the circuit breakers but it was dark so I just flipped them all. So now, I have no heat and all my clocks are flashing! It's just been a bad week.

I've tried TWICE to get an oil change. The first time at Wal-Mart. I pulled up and sat there in front of the bay. The 2 guys backed a car out, looked at me, went inside, came back out, looked at me, went inside, came out for a smoke, and finally one of them said, "Are you waiting for an oil change?". Uh, no, just admiring your garage door. The guy tells me to park and come in to get it set up. Every time I've been there I had to park in front of the bay door but he said they haven't done that for a while. Okay so I sat there for 10 minutes looking stupid. Then I notice it's $30 for a basic oil change but the nice young man informs me that because I have over 70000 miles I need to get the $40 oil change. I didn't pay that much at Jiffy Lube!!! This is WAL-MART!!! So I left.

Yesterday, I tried again at K Mart. They were too busy to fit me in but I did notice that it was only $24 and I get my tires rotated for free! I might try again today or maybe I'll dump some oil in there and wait until next week.

So I shall sit and shiver with no heat...well I won't. But my mama will. I shall go to work and cook chicken! Happy oil changing everybody!

Not Me Monday

2009-02-08T21:58:00.001-06:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

While driving my almost 13 year old nephew home I DID NOT consider telling him to turn down the Ozzy Osbourne, and hip hop music before remembering that I was a teenager many years ago even though rap and hip hop didn't exist then. Not me!

I DID NOT roll my eyes and bust out laughing when the almost 13 year old proceeded to tell me that the quote "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" was actually a real quote by Nixon! Not me!

I DID NOT drop a giant bottle of hot sauce with big green thingies in it at Kroger and watch it shatter all over the floor and my shoe and go to a Going Away Party at work smelling like a spicy tamale. Nope not me!

I DID NOT calmly discuss how much my balls hurt me while referring to my funky winter hat that has hard poufy balls on end of it in the KMart parking lot. Not me!

My First Blog Post

2009-02-07T14:23:00.000-06:00

Okay, it's not really my first blog post. I had a blog. I can't find my old blog. I don't even remember what it was called.

Anyway, I'm sure everybody will be relieved to know that my very sick cat, Lily, who is 11, appears to be getting better. She had gone to the vet on Tuesday after starting this strange coughing thing on Sunday. The vet told me it could be her heart, or it could be a thyroid problem which would be expensive and labor intensive with pills and blood levels and all that, or it could be a hairball problem, or it could be her allergies bothering her (she does have some food allergies), or it could be a virus. Since Lily has problems with periodically ka-poufing her hair out and going for a lovely part bald look, the vet gave her steroid pills and hairball medicine. Getting the pill down Lily required a half hour as well as some bleeding on my part. Lily then proceeded to have the dry heaves for about 10 minutes before vomiting everywhere. Wednesday night I tried mashing the pill in warm water and mineral oil and squirting it down her throat. She spit all that back in my face and again had the dry heaves for a while. Thursday night, I decided to try some sugar in it. Poor Lily repeated her Wednesday night routine. By now, I was feeling so guilty, I decided to not give her the steroids. She had stopped coughing but was a little snotty and sneezy. So I gave her a dose of the pink cat antibiotics that I couldn't get down the last sick cat. She gagged but not too bad. Last night (Friday), she didn't gag at all when I gave her the pink antibiotics and she ATE SUPPER!! She hadn't eaten since Monday. Today, Lily ate again, drank, used her litter box and looks much better. I was worried she was going to die, but I'm hoping now she can pull through.

So I'm sure I will be posting many other cat issues in my blog because I am an animal lover and I have many cats that I've rescued. I also have a Chihuahua, and a turtle.

But enough about my animals. I am so excited because there is only one more week until I start my oil painting class at Heartland Community College in Normal, IL. I've wanted to learn to do that for a long time. I also recently started scrapbooking. I've been rubber stamping for years but couldn't bear the thought of sitting down and cutting up my pictures. I've completed several pages of a scrapbook from a 2001 trip to Florida with my 5 year old nephew.

I'm sure I'll be talking more about my nephew and niece in the future too as I take care of them frequently. My nephew happens to be spending the weekend with me. I was going to take him to the ISU women's basketball game but he decided he didn't like basketball and would rather play video games.

Hopefully I won't lose track of this blog but more than likely it won't matter as I'm probably the only one who will read it!